


I Never Said It Was Koffee It's Cawfee! Ya Dumb Bitch

by Akira_Nara



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Animals, Hugging, Inner monologuing, Kissing, Lewd/Foul language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-14 21:11:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13598472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akira_Nara/pseuds/Akira_Nara
Summary: A shrill scream found Jared's ears as he poured his tea water, nearly dropping the kettle the brunette raced towards his room, that held the only occupant in the house, Connor Murphy.





	I Never Said It Was Koffee It's Cawfee! Ya Dumb Bitch

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Myself](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myself/gifts), [Me](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Me).



" Babe, make me some tea,"

" Make it yourself Jare,"

" But you're so much closer to the door," Jared whined pouting at his 'husbando.'

" Yeah well I don't think nail polish is the best sweetener for tea, so I suggest you make it yourself," Connor said offering a smug expression which was quickly replaced by a sugar sweet smile.

" Fine!" Jared imitated a stereotypical teenage girl, strutting past the boy with luxurious tresses of coffee brown hair.

" Don't be asking me to be busting my ass to do stuff for you then," the near-sighted boy announced, a slight chuckle escaped Connor as his boyfriend sashayed out the bedroom.

Little did the two boys know, they were not alone in the Kleinman household. A predator shaken from its slumber rose from under the depths of Jared's cleaned laundry to ambush the Murphy child in his weakest state of being.

Meanwhile Jared quietly hummed some old show tune while preparing himself chamomile tea, he had made a habit of purchasing tea leaves or tea bags whenever possible. He loved the feeling of the steamy beverage dripping into the basin of his belly, the steam helped hide the thoughts that constantly pursued him. A mental wolf who howled in his ear, no matter how many thoughts whirled through his head, Jared always listened to the quiet growl of the wolf.

' Fuck thinking about all that.' Jared thought with a deep frown an eye roll.

Only now did he realize how the stillness of the kitchen was unsettling, silence filled room made Jared’s senses heighten, the only sound was the flicker of stove fire and the hiss of evaporating water. The sounds were enough to calm him, so Jared's mind carved a path to wander. Far, far away from the clean and pristine lil kitchen to two hours prior, to the exact moment Connor invited himself over.

'I never answered Evan's text from earlier about the party colors' Jared sighed annoyed with himself, Connor conveniently entered the house when Evan asked. Since Connor was Jared's number one priority, he immediately dropped his phone and began fawning over the boy.

'Well I guess now I have to tell-'

A shrill scream found Jared's ears as he poured his tea water, nearly dropping the kettle Kleinman haphazardly set it down. The brunette raced towards his room, which held the only other occupants in the house,which included Connor Murphy.

Jared's thoughts ran a million miles per second.

‘ What happened?’

‘ Is Connor Okay?’

‘ Did someone break into the house?!’ Jared's paranoia grew with every step. The brunette accidentally kissed the door forgetting doors aren't very kind to forgetful people, fumbling he stumbled into the bedroom.

 

" Babe what's wrong?!" Jared assessed the situation, Connor was curled up on his swivel chair catching his breath and shakily pointing at the ground. At the wheels of the chair sat a ferret, Jared's pet ferret named Milky.

" He scared the shit outta me," Connor explained in between breaths and short fits of hysterical laughter.

" Milky, don't scare me like that!" Jared scolded the animal while patting Connor on the head, who leaned into the light petting to rest his head on the shorter boy's love handle. Gentle touches calmed the emo cowboy's nerves a great deal, he originally thought he hated every and all forms of physical contact, Jared proved that hypothesis wrong," I'm glad I can pet you,"

" I'm not a dog Jared," Connor replied huffing,yet never once rejecting Jared's touch.

" Well no dip," Jared rolled his eyes playfully," but neither is Milky, ferrets don't like being pet like dogs or cats, they don't even like being held too often,"

" Anyone who doesn't want to cuddle with you is missing out," Jared snorted.

" Well I rather have no cuddles than be bitten again,"

" If Milky bites you again, tell 'im to meet me outside," Milky raised his head, he halted pestering Mercedes, Jared's pet shih tzu who wasn't in the mood to deal with Milky.

" Funny, he doesn't bite much anymore, I've been training him," Milky immediately contradicted him by biting Mercedes who kicked him in response.

" Training him to give people heart attacks, by jumping out of laundry hampers?" Connor began a slow clap," if so then, great job," 

The glasses boy pinched the non-glasses boy.

" Fuck off dude,"

" Never," the Murphy smirked, lifting the Kleinman from the ground and fireman style carrying him to the bed. Dropping down onto the sheets Jared huffed,” I hate you so much right now,”

“ The feeling is mutual,” Connor curled up to Jared as he intertwined their fingers and legs.

“ No, I could never actually hate you,” the Kleinman smiled, giving the country boi a chaste peck on the lips. Connor spooned Jared, burying his face into Jared's soft neck.

“ You smell like babies and me,”

“ Well for one, I use baby soap and baby lotion, and two, I’m wearing your shirt under this,” Jared explained lightly tugging the strings of his hoodie, leaning into Connor's chest,” unless you're saying I smell like diapers, then that's just rude!”

“ Yes, I amost definitely saying you smell diapers,” The cowboy replied, pressing soft kisses to his boyfriend’s cheek.

Now the couple observed an interesting battle between a ferret and a shih tzu’s want for rest. Milky bit Mercedes again which led to him being kicked, the cycle repeated about four times until Mercedes chased Milky away, she definitely wasn't in the mood to play. Perching herself near Connor's feet, growling whenever Milky moved.

“ Thanks Mercedes,” Connor rubbed circles into Mercedes’ back. Jared watched Connor interact with his pets, who both had grown fond of the McEdge Lord. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" Yo Connie, since I saved you can you go get my tea?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

" Sure," Jared pressed a light kiss to Connor's cheek. He had the best boyfriend ever. 

“ But,” Connor replied while ambling to the door,” don't expect me to be busting my ass to do stuff for you!” Connor smiled playfully, flipping his hair with a runway strut as he disappeared into the hallway.

“ No,” Jared said to himself with a smile,” I won't,”

**Author's Note:**

> Yo my dudes i don't know what to say other than I don't own a ferret so I googled simple things about them so if my info is inaccurate sorry about that other than that thank you for reading and I love you bye! And if you're wondering about the title checkout http://gayhedgehogs.tumblr.com, I love Brice!


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